Friday, March 13, 2009

Animals are plotting a revolution against us!

What is with the flurry of publicized animal attacks on humans these last few days? I know humans generally suck when it comes to taking care of flora and fauna, but jeez, you'd think animals couldn't do much about it ... or could they? *evil grin*

First there was the famous attack of the 200-lbs pet chimpanzee who tore away most of a woman's face in Connecticut. The animal was quickly shot down by police.

Then, Santino, a 19-year-old zoo-bound chimp, would go out at night collecting all sorts of rocks and projectiles, even chipping away at concrete walls for shards, which later in the day, once he was in his cage, he would manifest his anger at his imprisonment by flinging said ammunition at his captors and audience. To 'sedate' him, the humans in charge eventually castrated him, effectively cutting down (no pun intended, I swear!) his testosterone levels and turning him into an old grandma chimp.

Then, in Thailand, a slave-driver owner of a monkey who forced his captive simian to climb trees to capture coconuts for merchandise and who would dish out beatings and other punishment when the monkey refused, was quickly and fairly killed by said monkey when the latter threw a coconut from the top of a tree aimed straight at the slave-driver's head out of frustration about the tiring labor.

And finally, an Indonesian villager, casually unloading sand from a horse-drawn carriage, found himself rushed to the hospital after a freak attack on the horse's part left him with one less nut. (The horse didn't find it tasty and spat it back out, thankfully.)

For crissakes, how clearer can the message get? We've been putting the planet and its animals through enough trouble as it is, they're starting to turn against us. Better either grab lots of ammo or grow some long legs, 'cause this is gonna get ugly. This is no Evolution ... This is Revolution!

*Insert Terminator theme here*


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