Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Samples of WingNutDaily hilarity and insanity

I decided to take a casual stroll through the seeping rank that is the ultra-Right-winged netherland of Internet news sources, WorldNetDaily. Truly, if anyone desires to either split a few ribs belting out window-shattering laughter, or to simply shake their heads sadly at how utterly insane the Right has become in these times, they need only take quite a short stroll through the homepage of the "news" website, which is made up of the sort of formatting, gimmicks and article titles that truly make me wonder just what the world has come to when this sort of utterly abject inanity is what passes for "news" these days.

Hell, just scrolling down the first few screenlengths, I came across articles that hyped the supposed "imminent reinstatement" of the Fairness Doctrine[1], a "battle plan" by moron extraordinaire Joseph Farah explaining "how to take America back" from those evil soulless un-American libz, decrying the hype over President Obama's first 100 days in office as "coronated Messiah", urging people to "worship GOD, not GOV", spreading paranoia over whether the notorious "swine flu" is a terrorist biological act against the U.S., spreading ridiculous stigma decrying that Republicans are being blamed for said flu (which is utterly false), claiming (quacking) that a "Cure for Cancer" had been found but hidden (yeah, sure), and finally, advertizing a tripey propagandist Christian pro-life flick ...

And all that is just on the first page!

How these morons aren't deliberately portraying themselves as a self-deprecating humor group is beyond me. They have roughly the same measure of credibility as Ray Comfort does speaking about evolution. Or biology. Or science in general. Or logic, common sense, reason – okay, sorry. You get the idea.

Here's another example: recently (though I can't determine when exactly), another one of those infamous WND headlines appeared:

Being the ever-curious self-flagellistic nut that I am, of course I had to delve a little deeper than that. Here are the first two paragraphs.

When was the last time you read the book of Deuteronomy? Few claim it as their favorite book in the Bible, perhaps, but it happens to be quoted over 80 times in the New Testament. In fact, Jesus quoted this Old Testament book most often when He battled Satan as recorded in Matthew 4 (Deuteronomy 6:13, 16 and 8:3). That alone should earn Deuteronomy a second look. One Bible scholar called Deuteronomy "one of the greatest books of the Old Testament. Its influence on the domestic and personal religion of all ages has not been surpassed by any other book in the Bible."

We as Christian Americans have forgotten the importance of this book's teachings and are suffering the consequences in our country. The Lord makes it abundantly clear (Deuteronomy 4:40; 5:16, 33; 6:3, 18; 11:21; 12:25, 28; 22:7; 28:1-14 and 30:16) that if we keep His commandments (obey Him), it will go well with us in the land and for our children. Yet things are not going so well for America today, are they?

Owch. Seriously ... just, wow. Teh stoopid, it does so burn.

Yes, let's use the good book of Deuteronomy to reform America into salvation. After all, why not? Such barbarity and insanity are perfect foundations for any great country, no?

Hell, just see for yourself! Let's say, starting from Chapter 13, which instructs one to murder anyone who says your religion is shite and theirs is the True ReligionTM:

13:6 If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which thou hast not known, thou, nor thy fathers; 13:7 Namely, of the gods of the people which are round about you, nigh unto thee, or far off from thee, from the one end of the earth even unto the other end of the earth; 13:8 Thou shalt not consent unto him, nor hearken unto him; neither shall thine eye pity him, neither shalt thou spare, neither shalt thou conceal him: 13:9 But thou shalt surely kill him; thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death, and afterwards the hand of all the people. 13:10 And thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die; because he hath sought to thrust thee away from the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage.

Aie, that good omni-benevolent God, always so quick to prove His love by encouraging us to kill anyone who doesn't agree with Him. Okay then, maybe we could use Chapter 21 and encourage men to kidnap women they like, shave their heads and make them their wives:

21:10 When thou goest forth to war against thine enemies, and the LORD thy God hath delivered them into thine hands, and thou hast taken them captive, 21:11 And seest among the captives a beautiful woman, and hast a desire unto her, that thou wouldest have her to thy wife; 21:12 Then thou shalt bring her home to thine house, and she shall shave her head, and pare her nails; 21:13 And she shall put the raiment of her captivity from off her, and shall remain in thine house, and bewail her father and her mother a full month: and after that thou shalt go in unto her, and be her husband, and she shall be thy wife.

No? Then perhaps just kill any woman who's had sex before her medding day:

22:13 If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her, 22:14 And give occasions of speech against her, and bring up an evil name upon her, and say, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid: 22:15 Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel's virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate: 22:16 And the damsel's father shall say unto the elders, I gave my daughter unto this man to wife, and he hateth her; 22:17 And, lo, he hath given occasions of speech against her, saying, I found not thy daughter a maid; and yet these are the tokens of my daughter's virginity. And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city. 22:18 And the elders of that city shall take that man and chastise him; 22:19 And they shall amerce him in an hundred shekels of silver, and give them unto the father of the damsel, because he hath brought up an evil name upon a virgin of Israel: and she shall be his wife; he may not put her away all his days. 22:20 But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel: 22:21 Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father's house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you.

And those are just the three examples lifted from Dispatches. For some more barbaric God-fearin' fun, why not turn to summaries from Wikipedia:

• The worship of God must remain pure, uninfluenced by neighbouring cultures and their 'idolatrous' religious practices. The death penalty is prescribed for conversion from Yahwism and for proselytisation.
• The death penalty is also prescribed for males who are guilty of all of the following: disobeying their parents, profligacy and drunkenness.
• An order for parents to take a stubborn and rebellious son before the town elders to be stoned.

Such peace and loving. Yes, really, America should have its laws and codes rewritten to befit just this book.


[1] The Fairness Doctrine is a law that would obligate broadcasters (TV, radio, news websites, whatever) to present sensitive and controversial topics in a polite and respectful manner, which of course I am entirely supportive of – like we need any more idiotic hotheads on the air.


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