Infomercial, or inspirational message?

I may hate commercials with a fiery rage (they keep me waiting minutes – minutes! – to find out what happens after cliffhangers), but every once in a while one comes along that's actually interesting and, if it doesn't make me keen to buy its product, at least provides some entertainment and amusement (if only of the derisionary sort).

Few commercial sales pitchers achieve this as often as wacky Vince ("ShamWow", anyone?), the fast-talking, aneurysm-inducing, incorrigibly corny dude who unleashes some of the greatest infomercial quotes in television history. He makes Billy Mays look efficient. Just take a look at his spot for some crappy kitchen item called the "Slap Chop".

Hint: his first line? "You're gonna be in a great mood all day, 'cause you're gonna be slapping your troubles away."

Oookay ...

"Stop having a boring tuna, stop having a boring life."
[Once the aforementioned tuna is chopped]
"You can have an exciting life now!

"You'll love my nuts!"

"The onions, with the skin. This is making you cry, making me cry. Life's hard enough as it is, you don't wanna cry anymore."

[After de-skinning an onion and a tomato]
"Guys, we're gonna make America skinny again – one slap at a time!"

"Fettuccini, linguini, martini, bikini!"

"[...] call now, within the next twenty minutes, 'cause you know we can't do this all day [...]"

Odd how all commercials seem to say that – at the same time as playing 24/7.

You also gotta love how he nonchalantly flings that useless competitor over his shoulder straight into the sink with a broken-window-sounding crash. One can only wonder how many shots that took to get it right. Dunno why, but it gets me every time with a stupid smile on my face.

(via L.A.me)