Saturday, May 23, 2009

How to make money from the credulous and the religious

Joshua Ritter is a clever fellow. While he may not be religious himself, he nonetheless set up The Post-Rapture Post, the object of which was to satirize the eventual End of Days because ... well, it's admittedly silly. The goal of the site was to have others sign up to his service and pay him to send letters on behalf of anyone who got zapped into Heaven to their evil, still-on-Earth relatives because they were godless or had sex with squirrels.

You've gotta admit, he does have a great way of putting the word out there:

Do you know someone who is in danger of being "left behind" because of a sinful life? Imagine if you could write a letter to a friend or loved one after the Great Day of Reckoning. Maybe a message to your family telling them to trust in God, and that everything will be okay. Perhaps you would leave instructions to care for your pets after your departure. It could be that your message is the light that opens a sinner's eyes to the Glory of God and allows them entrance to Heaven during the trials before the Second Coming. This is where the Post-Rapture Post comes in.

Just write your letter and it will be hand-delivered immediately following the exodus of the pure from the Earth. But you must be thinking to yourself, "How can the letters be delivered after the Rapture?" The answer is simple. The creators of this site are Atheists. That's right, we don't believe in God. How else would we be able to deliver your correspondence after the Rapture?

That certainly does prove they'll be around after the Rapture, at least – either for being atheists, or for publicly denying God. But, would they actually deliver the letters should the worst happen?

Why Should We Trust You to Deliver Our Messages?
Although we are not religious, we believe that a man's word is his bond. We consider ourselves to have an obligation to each and every customer, to deliver their mail in a timely and respectful manner. During the Great Tribulation, during which sinners left on Earth will have one last chance to accept Jesus as the Lord and Savior, our very souls will depend on our following through with the deliveries. Surely God would not accept a betrayer into his Home.

Now that's reliability of service.

The thing, though – which Ritter may or may not have originally expected to happen – is that credulous tools actually started signing up for real and paying actual money.

At least some people think so -- those willing to pay Witter to be their post-apocalyptic postman, delivering cards and letters to their non-believing friends, relatives and neighbors who will be left behind when the Day of Reckoning arrives.

About 70 people have paid the Orlando man about $5 apiece to get their messages to those doomed to face the plagues, pestilence and darkness of Armageddon.

But – why is Ritter doing this, anyway? You can't fault his honesty, at least.

You may be wondering why I created a website offering services based upon an event that I believe will never happen. The answer is that, while I don't personally believe, I feel that others may need my services in the event that the impossible happens. Also I need money to support my sinful lifestyle.

Well, as they say – if laughing at them isn't enough, milk 'em for their money's worth.

(Oh, wait – that's what I say.)

(via Dispatches from the Culture Wars)


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